The Beginning

was a long, long time ago. Eve wants to tell about it, but even something that happened a week ago seems a long, long time ago, and trying to pick up the strands to be rehashing, a process Eve finds counterproductive. Therefore, the beginning must be now. Except for these two blips:

On the spur of the moment Lily had wanted to come home for Mother's Day because a friend in town needed her support. For Lily to come home, Eve would have to stop her own project, clean the bathrooms, provide food, figure out sleeping arrangements. Adam wouldn't help. His brain did not function that way. Lily's plan sounded as if Eve were going to be the care-giving good stepMommie, business as usual in the Eden household. Lily had made Eve mad a couple of weeks earlier, had been dismissive of Eve and her interests, and had not even realized it. Though Eve wished she were a better person, she was not. Eve wished she were the kind of generous, open soul who did not harbor grudges. She wished she could say, Come on home, girl. I'll stop my work and we'll have us some fun--on your terms, on your time-frame, around your friend's needs.

Eve was not that soul. I CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HER, Eve's mind yelled. She did not tell Lily not to come, but she did say she would be busy, not available. The friend cancelled, and because Eve was adamant (the first time ever) that her project came first, Lily cancelled, too. All week-end Eve simmered: she should have insisted Lily come, she was glad to be able to focus on her own work, she was so exhausted she was glad she didn't have company, she should have insisted Lily come on. By Sunday night Eve had come to two conclusions: just because Eve was busy with this new house project, Adam was not going to take on even the smallest duties that were Eve's, not even walking the dogs all the way around the block; and, Eve DID NOT WANT TO TAKE CARE OF LILY.

She discovered by taking care of herself, she no longer held the grudge against Lily's dismissive behavior, and by taking care of herself, she didn't need Adam to do so. She now felt ready to love them both, without codicils. Still, she wished she had not been that kind of woman three days ago.

THIS IS THE POINT 1:
On Monday Lily called. Eve and Lily talked longer, more openly than they had for, oh, Eve didn't know, how long. Lily said, "Mike and I broke up Friday night." The night Eve had discouraged Lily from coming home. "This, and this and then this, and then he was yelling, 'I CANNOT TAKE CARE OF YOU.' He was the nicest person I've dated. I thought we were going somewhere. I don't know where that came from."

Eve knew. Adam, hearing the whole story, said, "Mike over-reacted, then Lily over-reacted." Which sounded logical, but Eve knew the Universe was listening, and letting her know it. She was a little chagrined. She had wanted Lily to date someone kind, considerate, not her usual potential serial killer kind of a guy. Mike had been shaping up to be one of the few good ones.

THIS IS THE POINT 2:
Monday evening when Adam came home, he kept his clothes on instead of slipping into his robe. He remained dresssed until bedtime. "I was going to walk the dogs," he said.

CONCLUSION? Eve knows thinking the Universe is spinning in accordance to the dictates of her thinking is more than a trifle grandiose, and wonders when she might slip into some sort of inflated insanity. Still, if the Universe is listening, she should be careful what she is thinking. Maybe she should be thinking what she does want, rather than what she doesn't.